One, two, one, two
Yeah, this ain't a remix, or a re-up, or a cover. These are my thoughts. Love yours
Uh, life of an artist, I'm suffering from the lucid dreams
Focused on winning, on music and material things
Too busy schemin' and hiding from all my feelings
I'm deeply scared of commitment, I'm running from the woman I need
Steady comparing her to the one who ain't loved me right
Thinkin' that money can save me when ain't nobody is stayin' but these demons inside
I lost my heart when I was chasing somebody chasing somebody, pretty funny, right?
I know, I've given too much for so little
Often played myself by thinkin' I'm needed
Here's a riddle: what happens when love becomes a reminder of broken heartedness?
'Cause even that couldn't measure up to the pain I've felt
My granny died about two years ago, that's when I lost it
Family tried to kick me out the house
I'll never get why the ones you keep closely are always the ones that hurt you mostly
They see me smilin' but don't really know what this shit cost me
Too many times I have given my heart and got it back in pieces, and I think I've got it twisted
For thinkin' money is the solution to these underlying problems and demons
When all it does is cover what is hidden, listen
Often I find myself reminiscin'
I fear my fear of feeling feelings will cause me not to find the love I've been seekin'
Or worse I'll find it, and not believe it
Scared of becoming irrelevant, losing all my passion
Question: do all the songs I'm makin' really make a difference at all?
Or am I just another pathetic rapper and all?
Is rappin' about my feelings really a sign of weakness?
Or am I seekin' attention using my mental illness?
Too many questions, not enough answers, I'll never see
I've spent my life tryna be someone I could never be
Moved to Standerton, 'cause my grandmother's sister believes
There's one door to success to which education's the only key
So we argue like every month, I can't pretend like working a 9 to 5 is the plan
That's not the person I am
I have this fear of her dyin' before I make it 'cause honestly speakin' I do this for myself, my fans and for her
But she don't see it, I'm dreamin' vivid, working on lyrics
Studyin' Phora, Witt Lowry, wonderin' how they did it
Aware my mind is the only place with so many limits
Especially when I start overthinkin'
Thinkin' my message to these kids: love yourself before anything else, I mean it
Hopin' that they all get it
To anybody that's hearing this song right now and sinking, thinkin' life doesn't have meaning
Attempting suicide, I don't judge you, trust me, I get it
But hear me now: life is more than what you livin'
Sometimes you gotta keep living when you don't see the reason
See, the demons will grow with you, you don't outgrow the demons
But even that doesn't equate to the meaning of living
So put the poison down, put the razor down
Your life is more than what you think when you're breaking down
So put them pills down, it's more than okay to hurt
Step off that chair and untie the noose from around your neck
See, I know that life can be crazy, replayin' with no pause
When the world is on your shoulders, everyone laughs at your flaws
I was in your shoes, I was suicidal but I kept going
'Cause there's no such thing as a life that is better than yours
Love yours. And love yourself. That's all matters in this short life. Nothing more
Yeah, uh, uh, heart beating fast, let a nigga know that he alive, I just wanna feel alive